Finally Broken
I never really liked me
Most days I hate how I look
And that reflects how I feel
From the hairs on my head
To the toes on my feet
I’m told how handsome I am
But that means nothing to me
I can’t stop judging myself
So I watch what I eat
I exercise everyday
Cause in my mind I am weak
And it just builds up inside
Until there’s no place to go
You say an eating disorder more like existence disorder
Each time I’m leaving the shower
I see my hair in the drain
It won’t stop thinning on top
While on my face it turns gray
These are the thing that I see
All the stuff that’s wrong with me
And now that’s just on the surface
as my depression just worsens
You see I tell all my friends
That I wish I was dead
And though it seems like a joke
I have it planned in my head
But one day it will come
When I actually do it
Forgive the choice that I make
I have to stop all this pain
It’s not just my appearance
That I hate about me
I hurt the ones that I love
Because the ego I feed
A self destructive life cycle
That I can’t seem to shake
Over and over again
I need to seal my fate
I’ll start cry for no reason
Then I give myself one
Remember times that I had
With someone who is now gone
Never to see them again
And I miss everyone
This happens too many times
How fucking often I cry
When I wake up tomorrow
That’s when the nightmare begins
It’s this fucking mundane routine
That has me going insane
You know I feel so worthless
that there’s nothing to gain
Tomorrow, tomorrow repeat
It’s all the fucking same

There was a time when I could hide this
Before I met you, but then you showed me
the type of person, it’s created
I don’t know if I was better off that way
I had armor I was confident
I was able to ignore the things wrong in me
I’m never happy I’m always working
Distracted and starving
This feeling is blinding,
I can only see the ugly inside me
And the outside reflects my inside
I don’t know who it is looking back at me

Tired and weak
I check my phone everyday
I hope to see you pop up
Just to know your okay
If I can’t be there for you
It makes me feel like shit
I wish my brain would just stop
But my heart it won’t quit
I keep on filling my schedule
To keep me constantly busy
If I don’t have to think
Then there’s no time to hurt
This candle burns at both ends
With a wick in the middle
We used to love the hot wax
But now its just a sad lyric
Being stripped of emotions
That sounds like heaven to me
Never to feel again
Or have you haunting my dreams
No more inferior complex
No more pain in my life
No more love and devotion
FUCK MY HEART WITH A KNIFE